From the title, you’d think I was in a relationship at the point where one party wishes the other would make the partnership more stable. I know this from watching episodes of Gilmore Girls where Lorelei struggles with such issues. Me, I only struggle with committing to a plan for my future.
I think making a good decision about such things is difficult. I have made such decisions in the past, and I have been fortunate enough to see those decisions through, and those goals reached. So, as I wrote down the goals for my next ten years, I see one last time I am starting from the bottom and building something up. It looks daunting whenever you start a big project, and on days when my allergies are flaring up, it seems overwhelming. Yet, for some reason, I am drawn to this one particular goal, and it seems like one of those goals that I will pursue no matter how difficult it may seem. In fact, if I can pull this off, it may be the icing on the cake for me.
Many days it is easy to look at your life and wish you had taken different roads, but I have had a really great life. I have been fortunate to have been able to do some of the most wonderful things imaginable. I know what it’s like to fall madly in love, to raise babies, to do something I am proud of, to travel the country, to be the first person in my family to get a college degree, and to see my children grow in wonderful adults. These are just a few of all the blessings I count, on the days I wonder what I am to do next.
Reading Twitter this morning I saw a quote which made me smile. It was from the HS commencement speech Sheri Shepard gave over the weekend. She said, in essence, to do the thing that makes you scared. It seems like the people on the biggest loser always have a breakthrough on the day they face their fears, whether they be heights, or water, or whatever. They talk about facing their fears, and how it frees them once they confront those fears. I often wondered about this, because I have been afraid of heights, and flying, to the point of not being able to fly for many years. But now, I can do so, pretty easily, but back when I was so frightened, I doubt anything would have gotten me on a plane.
So when I was faced with the scariest thing (next to jumping out of a plane), I was procrastinating making a commitment. I knew deep down that I needed to take the GRE if I wanted to do what I really yearned in my heart for. After several tries at achieving my goal in a roundabout way, I now am faced with the cold, hard facts: take the GRE and pursue a PhD, achieve your goal, or cowardly find a job to pay the bills and call it a life.
Yeah, well anybody who knows me would know I am not going to take the easy way, just to “get by” and not be happy. So after complaining about the GRE and how it is not a good indicator of success in the Doctorate program, I realized they were not changing this system for me, so despite my fear of taking a 4.5 hour test which includes math involving letters and numbers, I know I need to take the test.
I bought some study books, I read a lot about the test, and then on a day I realized I wanted the results more than I was afraid of the possibility of failure (it’s not a pass/fail test, but there is a number I would like to see), I went to the website, picked out the date I thought would be best, and I paid the $185 fee.
Now, it’s real. I will take the test on August 24th, just a few days before my fall term starts. This gives me 10 weeks to study, which is good, according to the books. They suggest 1-3 hours a day for 5-6 days a week. I have 2 books, and the app for my phone for vocabulary. I think I have made a commitment.
After I found four schools with great doctorate programs, and I found all the information I need, I am ready to attempt this new adventure. On good days I feel confident and look forward to the challenges that lay ahead. I just know I am happiest when I am pursuing a dream, whatever my current passion may be.
Success begins when you take the first step.
ljpeterlin 
Well, I once thought that I wanted a doctorate – – -that it would enhance my thinking ability somehow. Explored a few programs, but the demands of work and family just would not allow the time. But, I did publish in professional journals – – -my corporate success stories. Well, one day someone I worked with showed me a book about “managing complex change” and it had 10 articles from professional journals in it. He asked if I knew one of my articles was published in this book about 10 highly successful complex change programs that worked well? I had not idea this happened. But, what I found really interesting is that I was the only author without a PhD – – – all none other authors were well known in their field, had PhD’s, and worked at major universities. Amazing! It was then that I realized that getting a PhD, for me, would not enhance me in any way – – – – the actual experience I had in large corporate setting was the school of hard knocks and it taught me more than books could.
Sounds like a great plan. That’s what Val’s plan was when he went for his Ph.D. years ago. He knew the newspaper business was what he wanted to pursue when he was right out of college. Next it was his Masters degree, and then he got his Ph.D. so that one day he could teach and incorporate his newsroom experience. He is on the tenure track at the University of Akron, where he teaches. He laughs about being the oldest tenure track person. But, he absolutely loves teaching at the college level. He’s been tapped to also be the advisor for the school newspaper this coming fall, so he’s really thrilled. Now I have to add here that my dream of being an elementary school teacher was fulfilled when I was 42. I love it. So, go big, go for it and don’t look back.
Have to have a plan, even if it changes!