Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.  ~World Health Organization, 1948

Portion control is the real reason I do not weigh what I did on my wedding day, (132 lbs). I felt fat that day, because I was always comparing myself to my skinnier friends. I have not weighed that little since then, although I got down to 135 after each pregnancy, until the last baby, and for some reason I have not been able to get within 25 pounds of that weight since. I would blame it on my underactive thyroid, but I know only about 20 pounds is due to that terrible twist of fate. The rest is because I eat a lot. I wish I did not like to eat huge portions, and I wish 2-3 bites of some delectable food would suffice, but for me, more is better.

As a kid, I was the star member of the clean plate food club, and I reveled in pleasing the adults in my life with the huge portions I could consume. It should have been a sign that at 12 years old I could eat the same amount of food a grown man could eat, yet, I was praised for my “healthy appetite”, which only made me seek more of the same.

I know we are a product of our past, but it should never be an excuse, once we learn better. My thyroid condition is not good, in fact, I know it has many side affects which I cannot control, despite taking the medicine prescribed, religiously for the past 26 years. And then there’s my genes, which are not the best. Every female in my family tree is at least 50 pounds overweight, some many, many more.

At my heaviest, I was more than 110 pounds over my wedding day weigh in, and the most unhealthy I have ever been. I managed to shed 60 pounds from that high, unhealthy weight, but I have been at a standstill since then.

I have not been perfect, because every now and then I want some treat, but I have been pretty good about eating a much healthier diet, with more fruits, vegetables, nuts and whole grains. I have practically eliminated all dairy and meat, eating them only on special occasions, and adding juicing when possible. All of this, in addition to 4-5 trips to the gym weekly, with other daily exercise, has still kept me at a standstill, and I know why.

I started following my exercise with the fitbit by BodyMedia earlier in the year, but started to record the food I ate a couple of weeks ago. I put in all of my food and when I checked, even with a mostly vegan diet, I managed to take in as many calories as I was working off! And despite what some people think, it is all a matter of calories in and calories out. Eating 2500 calories is not going to move the scale, even if the calories are made of wholesome foods.

The bottom line is this; I have realized the real problem, and now I need to address it. I can work out, and be in better shape, have more muscles, but until I quit eating such large portions, I will remain overweight. This is hard to face, and even harder to deal with, because I am that person who eats when I am tired, bored, stressed, anxious, etc. I am an emotional eater and I know it. Maybe admitting it and working harder on that will help?

I remember in the series Sex and the City, Miranda attended Overeater’s Anonymous and had to pass a Donut place to attend the meetings, and finally she and the guy she met there, split a donut at that place. I liked how Mike and Molly met at an OA meeting too, so maybe it is a great pickup place? I should look into meetings once I get to St. Charles, because they may help. I am a part of a couple of groups online, and have seen others with this same struggle. Having a support system and accountability seem to help a lot of people.

Writing about this is not easy. It is hard to admit that each day, my food choices take up so much of my mental energy, and are so hard to get a hold of. I am going to continue to record my food, and keep track of my exercise, in hopes of making strides toward my goal. I have set my goal of weighing what an average American woman weighs, by my birthday this year (October). I saw an infograph which told me I needed to lose a few pounds to get there, and it made me decide to make that my goal.

I hope you will join me on this quest for eating more whole foods, in smaller quantities, and exercising to feel better. I will keep you posted on my progress.